|A rough photo of the venue that I took whilst trying to beat a hasty retreat.|
Prior to my HTC experience, I was 90% dread, 10% anticipation. And to be clear, that's anticipation of a new experience in general rather than HTC-specific anticipation. I was also full of questions; would spending two hours in a hot tub with strangers fresh from a sweaty day at the office (and this was a warm, sweat-inducing day) be as disgusting as it sounded? Wouldn't you go wrinkly sitting in the hot tub for that long? I certainly wouldn't have paid the going ticket price (£35) to find these things out, but having written this preview, I got the chance to go along and try it out for free, dragging The Boy along with me for moral support. Truth be told, a large part of my reason for going was to satisfy my curiosity for the venue - an
abandoned Underground station in Shoreditch.
The arrival was confusing to say the least. After checking in at the box office, receiving our wristbands and being told which tub we were allocated to, we were shepherded into a dark room and told to join the queue - for what, we weren't sure. It transpired that we were queuing to buy tokens for drinks and snacks - a good idea to prevent people from having to take money into the water with them. Usefully, the drinks prices -surprisingly reasonable- were displayed, allowing us to estimate how many tokens we needed, although unused tokens were displayed at the end of the night.
Once we had bought our drinks tokens we were allowed further in, where it became clear that the two marquees in the room functioned as the male and female changing areas. The Boy disappeared into the male one and I headed for the female one. The door was closed, and as the system wasn't clear -was it one in, one out, was it a free for all?- I did my usual thing of swerving all possibilities of social awkwardness and went and got changed in the toilets.
Appropriately swimsuited, we deposited our bags into the efficient cloakroom system and headed down the stairs towards the tubs. At first glance, the venue was larger than I thought, with around 16 hot tubs, and a screen at each end. However, once we were shown to our tub, it became clear that size was deceptive -yes, there were 16 tubs, but judging by how squished up the four people already in our tub looked, our addition
to the party was only going to make it more cosy.
This brings me on to the tubs themselves. You remember those paddling pools that either you or your really coll friend had as a child, with the inflatable edges that made such fun to slide along until somebody fell in the rosebush? Each hot tub was one of those, around 4 feet in diameter. We knew straight away, with our knees tucked under our chins, that it was going to be an uncomfortable couple of hours, what with 6 adults crammed into that space and all. There was no ledge or step to sit on, as in a normal hot tub, meaning that shorter members of the audience such as myself had to spend the whole time craning our necks to keep our heads above the water. There were also no bubbles. Now, I wasn't expecting the sort of hot tub you might find in a five star hotel. I'm reasonable. I know that this is a temporary set up. But the hot tubs were a massive disappointment, and by this time I was already thinking that if I had paid £35 for this experience, I would have felt ripped off.
A few minutes in, the film began. Up to this point, the atmosphere had been very noisy in the venue, with people chattering, laughing and screaming with their friends. Nothing wrong with that. But ten minutes into the film (Hot Tub Time Machine, in case you were wondering), I was still waiting for them all to shut up. It was so loud in there, that I could not hear a single word of the film. It was the sort of loud that caused the dinnerladies at school to grab the largest metal spoon they could find and bang it on the wooden canteen tables in a bid to get you all to shut up. I was getting so frustrated, that I was close to getting out of the tub, and in the end I ended up forgoing most of the film as I couldn't follow it, and simply people watching for a couple of hours. The lack of intervention by staff of HTC surprised my some what, but at the end of the day, everyone there was an adult.
However, about an hour and a half into the film (which still nobody was watching), things got boisterous. A couple of beer-bellied guys a few tubs over took it upon themselves to throw themselves, uninvited, from tub to tub. Their reign of terror ended when, predictably, they landed in our tub and did one of the other girls quite an injury. At this point, I was really shocked that not one of the numerous HTC staff -who were on hand throughout the film as they offer a waiter service - had tried to stop this clearly dangerous behaviour. It's one thing not wanting to be a killjoy, but it could have been a whole lot worse, and by this time, I just wanted to get out.
And as for the venue? Well, that was a bit of a disappointment. Although it was undercover, it wasn't actually underground, and looking at the fixtures and fittings, I'd say it's used regularly as a nightclub or gig venue, meaning that HTC is probably not the only way to gain access to it.
Overall, the whole thing was a frustrating, uncomfortable and not something I would repeat. As soon as the credits started rolling, we beat the hastiest retreat that we could - following the screening, a hot tub party began, and we certainly weren't hanging around for that. Next time, I'll take a laptop into the bath. The electrocution risk may be greater, but that's a risk I'm willing to take to watch a film in peace.