Afternoon tea at Tiptree Tea Room and Jam Factory in Tiptree, Essex

Someone couldn't wait to get stuck in 

When it comes to afternoon tea, there's a lot to be said for opting for the traditional over the fantastical. For every themed afternoon tea that's brilliantly executed, there are 10 queuing up behind it to stomp all over your cake-based hopes and dreams. But even with a traditional sarnies and scones affair, it can be tricky to find an afternoon tea that's done well. Reader, this story has a happy ending.

You don't get much more traditional than a tea room in a barn in the English countryside, and that's exactly what's on offer at Tiptree Tea Rooms in Essex (also home to the Tiptree Jam Museum, which I've covered here).

If that's already sounding like a bucolic ideal, let me make it even more British by throwing in a queue. The Tiptree Tea Rooms takes bookings for afternoon tea on weekdays, but at the weekend, it's every man for himself. The restaurant is a decent size, with around 30 tables inside and a further eight or so outside on the terrace, so it only takes 15 minutes before we're at the front of that queue, close enough to eye up every jacket potato and knickerbocker glory that wafts under our noses.

Now we can get a proper view of the tea rooms, it seems there aren't quite enough staff to cover everything. Several tables are sitting empty, waiting to be cleared, but no-one's clearing them despite a queue of at least 20 people leading out the door. There are mutterings up and down the queue about this, but within a few more minutes, we're whisked off to a table in the back part of the tea room, a cosy area with wooden beams.

We're handed menus and make polite noises about perusing them, but we already know that we're here for the afternoon tea. The menu offers an afternoon tea for two people, but they have no problem in providing one for three of us instead. We're given a choice of sandwiches, each of us opting for a different filling, and then sit back and eye up our surroundings while we wait.

Everything's noticeably on brand, from the Tiptree gin liqueur bottles being used as vases, to the Tiptree jam pots repurposed as salt and pepper shakers, yet far from feeling corporate, this somehow adds to the quaintness of the whole experience.

The tea arrives a few minutes later on the traditional three tier stand, beginning with the sandwiches on the bottom. They're noticeably fresh, each one cut into quarters with the crusts removed. A sharer salad sits at the centre of the plate, accompanied by a pot of Tiptree onion relish.

The scones too taste fresh, and have a homemade appearance, which is much more appealing than the too-perfect scones that often feature in afternoon teas. They're accompanied by a pot of Tiptree jam - what else? - and cream each. It's a shame that the cream is served in plastic pots, giving off a slight aeroplane-food vibe, rather than a ramekin, but that's a minor niggle in an otherwise flawless meal.

Up top, a selection of six cakes is flanked by a strawberry each, and a pot of Tiptree Chocolate spread. Although all tempting, it's not made clear what each of the cakes is, as the menu just promises a selection of that day's offerings - but that's nothing a bit of tasting can't solve. Our selection is a chocolate cake, a chocolate and orange cake, carrot cake, a country slice, a lime tart, and a blueberry mousse - sufficient variety to keep everyone happy.

From the choice of sandwiches to the freshness of the products, the cute pots of jam and the impressive selection of cakes, the Tiptree Tea Rooms afternoon tea is a traditional and highly recommended experience. If possible, I'd advise going on a weekday when things may be a bit less hectic - but even at weekends, the queue is worth it. The two afternoon tea novices I was with found themselves completely converted by the experience.

Tiptree has 10 tea rooms dotted around Essex, plus a new Jam Jar Bar in Colchester, which I fully intend to visit very soon.

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Tea Total Afternoon Tea at W London Hotel, Leicester Square

After a recent, questionable experience of a cocktail-paired afternoon tea, I'm completely off teas that involve booze in any way, so when I received an invitation to W London's Tea Total (see what they did there?) afternoon tea, it sounded ideal. Afternoon tea against a flower wall backdrop, right next to Leicester Square - what's not to like?

...Well, quite a lot actually. Despite its moniker, a brief glance at the menu reveals that Tea Total is in fact not teetotal. It's not even close. Each sweet treat is paired with a mini, 'crystallised' version of one of the bar's most popular cocktails. 'Crystallised' we later found out, means jelly.

When I queried the non-teetotalness of the Tea Total tea, I was told that they could whip up a non-alcoholic version on request, although this isn't made clear on the website - so if that's what you're after, do double check when booking.

So, misleading moniker aside, how does this afternoon tea measure up? Like most afternoon teas, it's very well presented, put together with the Instagram generation in mind. The flower wall which appears in the promo photos only takes up one tiny part of the bar, so you may be queuing to get your snap. In design and colour, it's strikingly similar to the larger flower wall at Dominique Ansel Bakery. Beyond that, the decor is something of a talking point - think old school hall meets art gallery meets what I can only imagine the interior of Spearmint Rhino looks like. Enough said really.

We arrive promptly - and hungry - for our 1pm booking, yet our food doesn't arrive until 2pm, leaving us to amuse ourselves with our tea for an hour, with no explanation for the hold-up. We assume the sandwiches are being made fresh for us, but their dryness and tastelessness when they do arrive stomps all over that theory.

The scones are decent, if on the small side, served traditionally with jam and cream. For me though, an afternoon tea lives or dies on the quality of the sweet selection, and in this case that translates as floating through life without much comment. A quartet of treats includes an overly rich chocolate mint mousse, a slightly odd eyeball type concoction, a delicious but sickly sweet white chocolate cake, and a meringue with a slice of carrot cake stashed inside it. Again, thought has clearly gone into presentation, but nothing leaves us wanting more.

At the end of the meal, we discuss our favourite part. For both of us, it's the scones - which tells you all you need to know about this afternoon tea. Average, but not memorable. As for the title? I've still got no idea who thought 'Tea Total' was a good name for a booze-laden experience.

Tea Total Afternoon Tea at W London, Leicester Square. £37-£42 per person, book ahead.

Dominique Ansel Bakery's Afternoon Tea

You know what's great? When you wake up on a Thursday morning knowing you're going for afternoon tea, but the details are hazy. You know you've been told, but you weren't really listening, so you idly follow directions to the address you've been given, assuming it's a hotel or something, only to find yourself standing outside Dominique frickin' Ansel Bakery.

(For the uninitiated, Dominique Ansel is a trendy bakery in Belgravia, London - and other locations around the world - best known for being the cradle for the Cronut, and internet famous for the extremely Instagrammable flower arches it usually has outside.)

It's a bit of a blogger cliche to visit Dominique Ansel, but given that my love of all things sweet massively predates my blogging, I feel I can justify it - oh, and I'm all about the food. None of this take-hundreds-of-selfies-but-leave-the-food-untouched nonsense that bloggers get a bad rep for - you'll be lucky if you find a crumb left once you let me at an afternoon tea, and you can forget about seeing any selfies.

That said, this afternoon tea is served is Dominique Ansel's oh-so-pretty covered terrace, a light and airy conservatory at the back of the bakery. They've gone all out with the decor here, suspending terrariums and individual blooms from the ceiling - but it might take you a while to notice them as you'll be dazzled by the psychedelic flower wall.

I'll be honest, I was expecting it to all be a bit la-di-dah, perhaps the sort of place where people look down their noses at you if you're not a regular (this is Belgravia, after all), but it's actually a thoroughly relaxed and extremely friendly place. We had great fun with some of the staff.

The floral theme doesn't end with the surroundings. The theme of the afternoon tea is the life cycle of a flower, from seed to blossom, told through a series of bite-sized offerings as you work your way up the menu. It's steered clear of the well-trodden sandwiches and cakes route, instead producing some really unique options.

The strength of this afternoon tea is that it keeps you on your toes - as my friend said "nothing tastes like what you expect it to". Think steak tartate and Cornish crab salad for the savouries, and a whipped basil ganache making an appearance on the sweet section.

Even the scones - an afternoon tea staple that's been done to death - manage to surprise us. Cream or jam first? Doesn't matter, you don't have the choice here. Both come together, packaged up as strawberries, coated in a white chocolate. Simply pop the strawberry on your scone and get spreading.

It's worth noting that there is no veggie or vegan option for the afternoon tea - all the savoury menu items feature meat or fish of some kind. Not a problem for me, but worth knowing if you're thinking of booking.

Once we'd finished our afternoon tea, we were really lucky to be invited into the kitchen with pastry chef James Clarke to get an exclusive insight into how the delicate components of the meal are put together. We weren't allowed to photo/video everything, but here's a look at the final touches being added:

Oh, and a cheeky tray of Cronuts. The kitchen's full of them:

Afternoon tea at Dominique Ansel Bakery, Belgravia. Read about my other afternoon tea adventures.

Cutter & Squidge's wizard-themed potion afternoon tea is absolutely magical

It's over, lads. Call off the search. I've found the best afternoon tea in London, and I don't think anything will ever beat it.

Cutter & Squidge, a cake shop in Soho which I absolutely love, has just launched a Potions Room afternoon tea. It's a wizard-themed affair, but don't go mentioning a certain famous wizard and his chums - Cutter & Squidge are adamant, no doubt for copyright reasons, that it's completely unrelated to Harry Potter.

That said, it's hard not to draw parallels. The room - which, until very recently, was home to the Genie's Cave - has more than a touch of Hogwarts to it. Think Great Hall meets Professor McGonagall's classroom, all (faux) brick walls and wooden desks. As you descend down the stairs, pick up your gown and then head into your potions class. Beakers and test tubes await you on your desk, and the lesson begins.

I'll admit, I was slightly dreading this part of it, as I'm not a big fan of audience participation but the actress playing the potions teacher does a fabulous job of putting everyone at ease, with no forced participation or putting anyone on the spot. I'm not allowed to tell you exactly what we got up to, but there was plenty of waving of wands and muttering of spells before the bulk of our food and drink materialised.

I recently had a bad experience of an afternoon tea where all the thought had gone into the presentation, and no effort had been put into the taste. No fear of that here though - Cutter & Squidge delivers perfectly on the food front. My inner afternoon tea fiend is pleased to see things presented on the traditional tiered stand, with sandwiches and scones to start things off. The roast dinner sandwich is an absolute corker, and I have it on good authority that the veggie equivalent is pretty good too. The highlight is the butterscotch biskie - a cookie sandwich of Cutter & Squidge's own creation.

Without giving too much away, the whole experience is perfectly executed, with the ideal amount of theatricality without teetering into the cheesy. The food is first class, and the decor is extremely well thought through.

Love all things Potter? Head to House of MinaLima. It's a five minute walk away from Cutter & Squidge, and has a fantastic free exhibition of artwork from the Harry Potter films.

The Potion Room at Cutter & Squidge, 20 Brewer Street, Soho. £49.50 for adults/£39.50 for children.

Check out the afternoon tea section of this blog for more sarnie and scone reviews and follow me on Twitter and Instagram for up to date pictures.

Blast off at Skylon's Gravi-tea space themed afternoon tea

Calling all wannabe astronauts and afternoon tea addicts (that's a venn diagram with a very niche crossover...). There's a shiny new afternoon tea about to lift off in London and it's all about that space, 'bout that space, no trouble (#sorrynotsorry, but when I have an earworm, I believe in sharing the pain).

Gravi-tea is the punny name given to Skylon's new space-themed offering. It launched in early April 2018 and will be on the menu for the foreseeable future... to infinity and beyond, some might say.

I'm quite often sceptical about themed afternoon teas. If they don't commit to the theme - I mean really commit - they can be a right old letdown. On the other hand, others pull off their theme very well - and Gravi-tea can definitely be counted as a successful mission.

Afternoon tea modelled by @Robberrazzi, who was Instagramming the whole thing.

First things first, it's a very pretty afternoon tea. Think purple, sparkly, space age. All the beautiful, shiny things. You'll ooh and aah as it comes to your table, and then you'll take all the photos before you finally blast off.

It's served on the traditional three tiers, which is the only right way to serve afternoon tea. They don't quite go as far as serving it on a rocket-shaped tea stand (Skylon: if you're reading this, you can have that idea for free), but it's good to see things done properly.

Starting with the sandwiches, you've got your usual selection of ham and cheese, salmon, chicken, and egg mayo. Sliced into fingers with the crusts off, the portion is generous, the sandwiches themselves surprisingly filling.

Next tier up are the scones. The menu claims a mixture of raisin and plain, but ours are all raisin, which is not a problem at all. The preserves are served in mini Wilkin & Co jars, two marmalades, a raspberry jam and a blackcurrant jam. The cream appears in what can only be described as a mini saucepan, not an object I would readily associate with space, but perhaps there's more to this astronaut malarkey than I thought. Either way it's cute, but I'd advise against pairing marmalade and cream on the same scone - the sweet/bitter combination just doesn't work.

The Jupiter Cake, and the mysterious cream saucepans

Wobbling boldly next to the scones is the Jupiter Cake. Now this is the only real flaw in the whole afternoon tea - the menu doesn't tell you what each item is, beyond the space age names. Best described as a milky jelly with a white chocolate ring, it slides down no problem and we're on to the almost-too-pretty-to-eat top tier.

Let's just take another second to admire it before we tuck in:

OK, and begin. The Galaxy Macarons (bottom right) are hypnotically pretty, but their citrus orange flavour comes as a real surprise - although not an unpleasant one - underneath that innocent lilac exterior.

We can't quite put our fingers on the flavour of the cream inside those Cosmos Mini Choux buns, deciding on something like passion fruit or mango. Again, it's unexpected but tasty.

The Rocks Of The Universe are by far the richest element of the afternoon tea, dark chocolate shells filled with some sort of a raspberry ganache. They disappear quickly, leaving us wondering whether there really was popping candy inside or if it's all just a trick of the mind.

Galaxy Macarons

Last but not least are the Galactic Cupcakes, a taste of good old-fashioned home baking. That perfectly coiffeured icing turns out to be cream cheese icing, which is a risky choice. It makes a change from the sugar overload, but we both agree that we would have preferred buttercream icing instead.

Galactic Cupcakes

Once you've eaten your way through the solar system (or if you pause halfway through - afternoon tea is, after all, a marathon not a sprint), take time to have a look round Skylon. I'd heard of it but never quite worked out where it was before. It's right on top of Southbank Centre, with an entrance opposite Las Iguanas, and another inside Southbank Centre itself. It's a rather swish place, all sleek decor and high ceilings, but the absolute highlight is the view it offers over the Thames. I reckon it'd be a rather nice place to head for cocktails on a summer evening - who's in?

The Jupiter Cake

Gravi-tea at Skylon, Royal Festival Hall, London, SE1 8XX. It costs £25 per person (very reasonable for afternoon tea round these parts, especially when you consider the view it comes with), and you'll need to book ahead.

The gorgeous setting of Skylon. I was too busy stuffing my face to take a photo of the view from the window.

Get your fill of afternoon tea on the afternoon tea section of this blog, and follow me on Twitter and Instagram for up to date pictures.

Afternoon tea in Europe's largest bookshop

 Books, cakes, and a friend who makes you laugh so much, you accidentally blow out the candle on your table. Some days you just feel like you're winning at life, y'know? I've known Amy all my life, and in 27 years, our friendship has gone from being based on slides and swings, to bars and cocktails, to books and afternoon tea, so I knew I'd hit on something when I was looking for something to do for her birthday and came across this.

Lots of people know about 5th View, the bar-restaurant on the top floor of the deliciously gargantuan Waterstones on Piccadilly in London, but not many people know about the afternoon tea. Which is a shame really, because afternoon tea in a bookshop is a fantastically appealing idea, no?

Prebooking was a wise move - on a snowy Saturday afternoon, every table is taken. We're shown to ours (mental note: request a table next to the windows next time) and left with the menu. When our waitress returns a few minutes later to take our drinks order, briskness is the vibe, suggesting this place prioritises high turnover over customer service. It's the third time I've been to 5th View, at varying times of day and days of the week, and every time, I've found the staff to be brisk and standoffish.

The menu's bizarre combination of offerings feels like a microcosm of London itself - as we tuck into a three tier afternoon tea, the table to our left are wolfing down burgers and chips, while those to our right indulge solely in an iced bottle of champagne. Each to their own, eh? 

This jack-of-all-trades approach results in an afternoon tea that doesn't benefit from the care and attention that others do. There are only four teas to choose from, although they're happy to let us choose a hot chocolate instead.

The sandwiches are a weak start. They've come straight out of the fridge, leaving the bread dry and a little tasteless, the fridge temperature cucumber too chilly to bite into. That said, the best part of the meal sits alongside the sandwiches - a Yorkshire pudding with chorizo and cheese. Now I'm all for afternoon teas that involve Yorkshire puddings, and this one is no exception, because what could be better than meat and cheese and Yorkies in a single bite?

After those sandwiches, it's a welcome surprise o find the scones are warm. Cream and jam sit alongside the huge, fluffy blobs in individual pots (cream first, before you ask). Normally, I prefer afternoon teas which offer you two or three smaller scones of different flavours to try, but given the bargaintastic cost of this tea, these scones are more than sufficient.

Naturally, the meal finishes with a cake tier; the menu rather unhelpfully states "homemade cakes". A little detective work reveals we're facing a slice of lemon drizzle, a chunk of chocolate brownie and a macaron each. Thankfully, the first two are not as arid as their dry, crumbly appearance would have you believe, the brownie toeing the line perfectly between sweet and sickly.

At £29.95 for two (plus service added on automatically, which is a bugbear of mine), this is a good value afternoon tea, and given that we only booked a couple of days in advance, is a good option for last-minute London plans. The bookshop location adds an extra twist, and if you go on a clear day, the views over the London skyline are decent too. Don't go expecting amazing service though.

Afternoon tea at 5th View, Waterstones, 203-206 Piccadilly, W1J 9HA.

Afternoon tea review: Silly Old Bear Winnie the Pooh afternoon tea

Not saying the powers-that-be (or should that be, the powers-that-afternoon-tea*?) have bugged my office or anything, but some colleagues and I had a conversation about how there absolutely should be a Winnie the Pooh themed afternoon tea in London, and to be quite frank, it's a travesty that there isn't.

The next day, a press release lands in my inbox about a Winnie the Pooh afternoon tea in London. Coincidence? I think not. Tempted? Absolutely.

The Pelham and The Gore hotels, both part of the Starhotels chain in South Kensington, have produced the Silly Old Bear afternoon tea to tie in with the current Winnie the Pooh exhibition at the V&A. It's clear from the off that this afternoon tea is aimed at families. The back of the menus are covered in games and puzzles to keep younger guests (yeah, alright, and me) amused.

The food arrives in the form of a picnic, with scones, cream and honey lollipops - and those all-important crayons - served up in a picnic basket. The sandwiches and sweet treats are presented on what can only be described as tree stumps (don't alert #WeWantPlates just yet though - it's exquisite).

A pair of twenty-somethings without any kids in tow, we were thrilled by the presentation of the tea. Those of you who know me will know I'm a stickler for afternoon tea being served on the traditional tiered stand. Well, this case proves to be the exception to that rule.

But does it pass the taste test? Mostly, yes. Let's start with the sweet treats; the Eeyore themed chocolate mousse - served in a gorgeous mini Kilner jar - was the absolute highlight, although it could have done without the layer of orange compote at the bottom.

The meringue and marzipan bee was a cute little fella, the marzipan easily removable for those who don't like it, the biscuit and meringue paired perfectly. The cupcake and the passion fruit macaron slipped down nicely too.

The Hunny Pops - balls of honey parfait, white chocolate and caramel glace on a stick - were where we ran into trouble. They're served up in that picnic basket, which as it transpires, is lined with moss to really commit to the picnic theme - cute, but not ideal when one fell off its stick and was rendered green, furry and inedible. We had to abandon the rescue operation due the sheer volume of honey everywhere - parents, you're gonna need a bigger pack of wet wipes.

In hindsight, we should have seen the problems coming

The scones are crumblier than your average, almost biscuit-like in texture, which I rather enjoyed. Rummage around in the picnic basket (mind the honey!) and you'll find delightfully thick clotted cream and generous amounts of lemon curd to send them on their way.

Afternoon tea connoisseurs may find little to please them here, but that's OK because this isn't an afternoon tea for them. It's a fun twist on the tradition and a great way to introduce younger diners to afternoon tea. The food is ideal for this - not too much, not too rich, not too unusual.

*If any other afternoon tea planners are reading this, I have two words for you: Lion King. DO IT, I beg of you, and do it well.

Silly Old Bear afternoon tea is available at The Pelham and The Gore, both in South Kensington until April 2018. It costs £43 per person which includes entry to the V&A exhibition, and needs to be booked in advance.