Tea Total Afternoon Tea at W London Hotel, Leicester Square

After a recent, questionable experience of a cocktail-paired afternoon tea, I'm completely off teas that involve booze in any way, so when I received an invitation to W London's Tea Total (see what they did there?) afternoon tea, it sounded ideal. Afternoon tea against a flower wall backdrop, right next to Leicester Square - what's not to like?

...Well, quite a lot actually. Despite its moniker, a brief glance at the menu reveals that Tea Total is in fact not teetotal. It's not even close. Each sweet treat is paired with a mini, 'crystallised' version of one of the bar's most popular cocktails. 'Crystallised' we later found out, means jelly.

When I queried the non-teetotalness of the Tea Total tea, I was told that they could whip up a non-alcoholic version on request, although this isn't made clear on the website - so if that's what you're after, do double check when booking.

So, misleading moniker aside, how does this afternoon tea measure up? Like most afternoon teas, it's very well presented, put together with the Instagram generation in mind. The flower wall which appears in the promo photos only takes up one tiny part of the bar, so you may be queuing to get your snap. In design and colour, it's strikingly similar to the larger flower wall at Dominique Ansel Bakery. Beyond that, the decor is something of a talking point - think old school hall meets art gallery meets what I can only imagine the interior of Spearmint Rhino looks like. Enough said really.

We arrive promptly - and hungry - for our 1pm booking, yet our food doesn't arrive until 2pm, leaving us to amuse ourselves with our tea for an hour, with no explanation for the hold-up. We assume the sandwiches are being made fresh for us, but their dryness and tastelessness when they do arrive stomps all over that theory.

The scones are decent, if on the small side, served traditionally with jam and cream. For me though, an afternoon tea lives or dies on the quality of the sweet selection, and in this case that translates as floating through life without much comment. A quartet of treats includes an overly rich chocolate mint mousse, a slightly odd eyeball type concoction, a delicious but sickly sweet white chocolate cake, and a meringue with a slice of carrot cake stashed inside it. Again, thought has clearly gone into presentation, but nothing leaves us wanting more.

At the end of the meal, we discuss our favourite part. For both of us, it's the scones - which tells you all you need to know about this afternoon tea. Average, but not memorable. As for the title? I've still got no idea who thought 'Tea Total' was a good name for a booze-laden experience.

Tea Total Afternoon Tea at W London, Leicester Square. £37-£42 per person, book ahead.

Dominique Ansel Bakery's Afternoon Tea

You know what's great? When you wake up on a Thursday morning knowing you're going for afternoon tea, but the details are hazy. You know you've been told, but you weren't really listening, so you idly follow directions to the address you've been given, assuming it's a hotel or something, only to find yourself standing outside Dominique frickin' Ansel Bakery.

(For the uninitiated, Dominique Ansel is a trendy bakery in Belgravia, London - and other locations around the world - best known for being the cradle for the Cronut, and internet famous for the extremely Instagrammable flower arches it usually has outside.)

It's a bit of a blogger cliche to visit Dominique Ansel, but given that my love of all things sweet massively predates my blogging, I feel I can justify it - oh, and I'm all about the food. None of this take-hundreds-of-selfies-but-leave-the-food-untouched nonsense that bloggers get a bad rep for - you'll be lucky if you find a crumb left once you let me at an afternoon tea, and you can forget about seeing any selfies.

That said, this afternoon tea is served is Dominique Ansel's oh-so-pretty covered terrace, a light and airy conservatory at the back of the bakery. They've gone all out with the decor here, suspending terrariums and individual blooms from the ceiling - but it might take you a while to notice them as you'll be dazzled by the psychedelic flower wall.

I'll be honest, I was expecting it to all be a bit la-di-dah, perhaps the sort of place where people look down their noses at you if you're not a regular (this is Belgravia, after all), but it's actually a thoroughly relaxed and extremely friendly place. We had great fun with some of the staff.

The floral theme doesn't end with the surroundings. The theme of the afternoon tea is the life cycle of a flower, from seed to blossom, told through a series of bite-sized offerings as you work your way up the menu. It's steered clear of the well-trodden sandwiches and cakes route, instead producing some really unique options.

The strength of this afternoon tea is that it keeps you on your toes - as my friend said "nothing tastes like what you expect it to". Think steak tartate and Cornish crab salad for the savouries, and a whipped basil ganache making an appearance on the sweet section.

Even the scones - an afternoon tea staple that's been done to death - manage to surprise us. Cream or jam first? Doesn't matter, you don't have the choice here. Both come together, packaged up as strawberries, coated in a white chocolate. Simply pop the strawberry on your scone and get spreading.

It's worth noting that there is no veggie or vegan option for the afternoon tea - all the savoury menu items feature meat or fish of some kind. Not a problem for me, but worth knowing if you're thinking of booking.

Once we'd finished our afternoon tea, we were really lucky to be invited into the kitchen with pastry chef James Clarke to get an exclusive insight into how the delicate components of the meal are put together. We weren't allowed to photo/video everything, but here's a look at the final touches being added:

Oh, and a cheeky tray of Cronuts. The kitchen's full of them:

Afternoon tea at Dominique Ansel Bakery, Belgravia. Read about my other afternoon tea adventures.

Cutter & Squidge's wizard-themed potion afternoon tea is absolutely magical

It's over, lads. Call off the search. I've found the best afternoon tea in London, and I don't think anything will ever beat it.

Cutter & Squidge, a cake shop in Soho which I absolutely love, has just launched a Potions Room afternoon tea. It's a wizard-themed affair, but don't go mentioning a certain famous wizard and his chums - Cutter & Squidge are adamant, no doubt for copyright reasons, that it's completely unrelated to Harry Potter.

That said, it's hard not to draw parallels. The room - which, until very recently, was home to the Genie's Cave - has more than a touch of Hogwarts to it. Think Great Hall meets Professor McGonagall's classroom, all (faux) brick walls and wooden desks. As you descend down the stairs, pick up your gown and then head into your potions class. Beakers and test tubes await you on your desk, and the lesson begins.

I'll admit, I was slightly dreading this part of it, as I'm not a big fan of audience participation but the actress playing the potions teacher does a fabulous job of putting everyone at ease, with no forced participation or putting anyone on the spot. I'm not allowed to tell you exactly what we got up to, but there was plenty of waving of wands and muttering of spells before the bulk of our food and drink materialised.

I recently had a bad experience of an afternoon tea where all the thought had gone into the presentation, and no effort had been put into the taste. No fear of that here though - Cutter & Squidge delivers perfectly on the food front. My inner afternoon tea fiend is pleased to see things presented on the traditional tiered stand, with sandwiches and scones to start things off. The roast dinner sandwich is an absolute corker, and I have it on good authority that the veggie equivalent is pretty good too. The highlight is the butterscotch biskie - a cookie sandwich of Cutter & Squidge's own creation.

Without giving too much away, the whole experience is perfectly executed, with the ideal amount of theatricality without teetering into the cheesy. The food is first class, and the decor is extremely well thought through.

Love all things Potter? Head to House of MinaLima. It's a five minute walk away from Cutter & Squidge, and has a fantastic free exhibition of artwork from the Harry Potter films.

The Potion Room at Cutter & Squidge, 20 Brewer Street, Soho. £49.50 for adults/£39.50 for children.

Check out the afternoon tea section of this blog for more sarnie and scone reviews and follow me on Twitter and Instagram for up to date pictures.

Blast off at Skylon's Gravi-tea space themed afternoon tea

Calling all wannabe astronauts and afternoon tea addicts (that's a venn diagram with a very niche crossover...). There's a shiny new afternoon tea about to lift off in London and it's all about that space, 'bout that space, no trouble (#sorrynotsorry, but when I have an earworm, I believe in sharing the pain).

Gravi-tea is the punny name given to Skylon's new space-themed offering. It launched in early April 2018 and will be on the menu for the foreseeable future... to infinity and beyond, some might say.

I'm quite often sceptical about themed afternoon teas. If they don't commit to the theme - I mean really commit - they can be a right old letdown. On the other hand, others pull off their theme very well - and Gravi-tea can definitely be counted as a successful mission.

Afternoon tea modelled by @Robberrazzi, who was Instagramming the whole thing.

First things first, it's a very pretty afternoon tea. Think purple, sparkly, space age. All the beautiful, shiny things. You'll ooh and aah as it comes to your table, and then you'll take all the photos before you finally blast off.

It's served on the traditional three tiers, which is the only right way to serve afternoon tea. They don't quite go as far as serving it on a rocket-shaped tea stand (Skylon: if you're reading this, you can have that idea for free), but it's good to see things done properly.

Starting with the sandwiches, you've got your usual selection of ham and cheese, salmon, chicken, and egg mayo. Sliced into fingers with the crusts off, the portion is generous, the sandwiches themselves surprisingly filling.

Next tier up are the scones. The menu claims a mixture of raisin and plain, but ours are all raisin, which is not a problem at all. The preserves are served in mini Wilkin & Co jars, two marmalades, a raspberry jam and a blackcurrant jam. The cream appears in what can only be described as a mini saucepan, not an object I would readily associate with space, but perhaps there's more to this astronaut malarkey than I thought. Either way it's cute, but I'd advise against pairing marmalade and cream on the same scone - the sweet/bitter combination just doesn't work.

The Jupiter Cake, and the mysterious cream saucepans

Wobbling boldly next to the scones is the Jupiter Cake. Now this is the only real flaw in the whole afternoon tea - the menu doesn't tell you what each item is, beyond the space age names. Best described as a milky jelly with a white chocolate ring, it slides down no problem and we're on to the almost-too-pretty-to-eat top tier.

Let's just take another second to admire it before we tuck in:

OK, and begin. The Galaxy Macarons (bottom right) are hypnotically pretty, but their citrus orange flavour comes as a real surprise - although not an unpleasant one - underneath that innocent lilac exterior.

We can't quite put our fingers on the flavour of the cream inside those Cosmos Mini Choux buns, deciding on something like passion fruit or mango. Again, it's unexpected but tasty.

The Rocks Of The Universe are by far the richest element of the afternoon tea, dark chocolate shells filled with some sort of a raspberry ganache. They disappear quickly, leaving us wondering whether there really was popping candy inside or if it's all just a trick of the mind.

Galaxy Macarons

Last but not least are the Galactic Cupcakes, a taste of good old-fashioned home baking. That perfectly coiffeured icing turns out to be cream cheese icing, which is a risky choice. It makes a change from the sugar overload, but we both agree that we would have preferred buttercream icing instead.

Galactic Cupcakes

Once you've eaten your way through the solar system (or if you pause halfway through - afternoon tea is, after all, a marathon not a sprint), take time to have a look round Skylon. I'd heard of it but never quite worked out where it was before. It's right on top of Southbank Centre, with an entrance opposite Las Iguanas, and another inside Southbank Centre itself. It's a rather swish place, all sleek decor and high ceilings, but the absolute highlight is the view it offers over the Thames. I reckon it'd be a rather nice place to head for cocktails on a summer evening - who's in?

The Jupiter Cake

Gravi-tea at Skylon, Royal Festival Hall, London, SE1 8XX. It costs £25 per person (very reasonable for afternoon tea round these parts, especially when you consider the view it comes with), and you'll need to book ahead.

The gorgeous setting of Skylon. I was too busy stuffing my face to take a photo of the view from the window.

Get your fill of afternoon tea on the afternoon tea section of this blog, and follow me on Twitter and Instagram for up to date pictures.

The truth about Elan Cafe

You may not know Elan Cafe by name, but chances are you've seen it on Instagram. Its pink flower walls, colourful croissants and Lucky Charms lattes have been inescapable in the last few weeks.

To be honest, I didn't have high expectations for my first Elan Cafe visit; let's face it, the quality of your offerings doesn't matter if you're targeting people who will pay above the odds for a one-time latte purely to rake in the likes on Instagram.

Peggy Porschen is the obvious - and original - example of a London cafe that's done well off of social media. I've never been so I can't comment one way or the other about the quality of the food. However, there was that disastrous trip to Palm Vaults in Hackney, another darling venue of London's Insta hoards. Sure it's pretty - although not as much as Instagram would have you believe, because #filters - and yes the food was decent, but as a business, it's a shambles.

So as I Google-Mapped my way to the Park Lane Elan Cafe, my mind was open but my expectations were low. I didn't even know if any tables would be available, or if there'd be queues out of the door, even at mid-morning on a Tuesday.

It's a lot smaller than its online presence suggests. Perched between the behemoth buildings of Park Lane and sunk a little into the ground, it reminded me of this (but obviously not *quite* that small). Good news came in the form of an available table inside.

Not too sure of the system (table service? Order at the counter?) I plonked my coat down to save the table and hovered around the cake counter in what I hoped was a 'help-me-I'm-new-here-and-definitely-not-cool-enough-do-know-what-I'm doing vibe'. Fortunately, I've years of experience in giving off 'not-cool-enough' vibes, and a man who I think was the manager came to my rescue, telling me in a polite and non-patronising way that they'd take my order from my table.

A couple of minutes later he came over with a menu, which turned out to be far more extensive than the repetitive photos of that latte art would have you believe. A quick scour showed that the Lucky Charms latte -my main reason for making this pilgrimage - wasn't on the menu. Perhaps it's only available at the other branch of Elan Cafe, but no harm in asking, right?

And just like that, I became one of *those* people, who order something they've seen on Instagram, even though it's not on the actual menu. A little bit of me died inside as I placed my order, but the knowledge that Lucky Charms were on their way to my table helped me get over it pretty quickly.

While I was waiting, I wandered around the ground level, taking photos and chatting to the staff, who weren't remotely surprised at my incessant snapping. Rather judgmentally, I had thought they might be a bit snooty, and a bit, well... Mayfair, especially given that my geeky rucksack and ill-fitting jeans mark me out as quite different to the Instagrammers and bloggers that feature heavily on the Elan Instagram feed.

No need to worry though, as they were all super-friendly, chatting about the food and offering to take a photo of me against the pink flower wall (something they've clearly done once or twice before). My assumptions of Elan Cafe had been destroyed, and that was no bad thing.

If the friendly staff aren't enough to shoot down the misconstrued notion that Elan is overhyped, the food should do the trick. A generous portion of Lucky Charms topped my latte, with more heaped on the saucer. The coffee itself was decent, if nothing special, but the jam-filled raspberry croissant was really quite unique.

As I ate, I watched life in the cafe continue around me, surprised to see regulars coming by for their morning coffee. The staff knew what they were going to order before they'd even closed the door, and the manager even asked one lady if she'd been on holiday as he hadn't seen her for a while. Clearly Elan does foster and maintain regular customers, as well as pandering to one-time Instagram tourists.

Far from being just another Instagram sensation that's all style, no substance, Elan Cafe is serving up decent (if pricey) food and drink, with friendly and helpful staff. That iconic decor is a constant theme throughout. The Instagram hype? That's just a pink, filtered jewel in Elan's photogenic crown. Instagramability* and quality aren't mutually exclusive, and nowhere is that more evident that this petite pink cafe. For me, it's not a everyday cafe, but somewhere I'll definitely return to with friends on special occasions. You'd do well to visit - don't forget your camera.

*definitely a real word.

I visited the Elan Cafe at 48 Park Lane, W1K 1PR, but there's a second branch in Knightsbridge at 239 Brompton Road, SW3 2EP. Work up an appetite on Instagram before you visit.

Liked this post? Please pin it:

Follow Scribbling Lau on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram for updates on my latest adventures.

Afternoon tea review: Silly Old Bear Winnie the Pooh afternoon tea

Not saying the powers-that-be (or should that be, the powers-that-afternoon-tea*?) have bugged my office or anything, but some colleagues and I had a conversation about how there absolutely should be a Winnie the Pooh themed afternoon tea in London, and to be quite frank, it's a travesty that there isn't.

The next day, a press release lands in my inbox about a Winnie the Pooh afternoon tea in London. Coincidence? I think not. Tempted? Absolutely.

The Pelham and The Gore hotels, both part of the Starhotels chain in South Kensington, have produced the Silly Old Bear afternoon tea to tie in with the current Winnie the Pooh exhibition at the V&A. It's clear from the off that this afternoon tea is aimed at families. The back of the menus are covered in games and puzzles to keep younger guests (yeah, alright, and me) amused.

The food arrives in the form of a picnic, with scones, cream and honey lollipops - and those all-important crayons - served up in a picnic basket. The sandwiches and sweet treats are presented on what can only be described as tree stumps (don't alert #WeWantPlates just yet though - it's exquisite).

A pair of twenty-somethings without any kids in tow, we were thrilled by the presentation of the tea. Those of you who know me will know I'm a stickler for afternoon tea being served on the traditional tiered stand. Well, this case proves to be the exception to that rule.

But does it pass the taste test? Mostly, yes. Let's start with the sweet treats; the Eeyore themed chocolate mousse - served in a gorgeous mini Kilner jar - was the absolute highlight, although it could have done without the layer of orange compote at the bottom.

The meringue and marzipan bee was a cute little fella, the marzipan easily removable for those who don't like it, the biscuit and meringue paired perfectly. The cupcake and the passion fruit macaron slipped down nicely too.

The Hunny Pops - balls of honey parfait, white chocolate and caramel glace on a stick - were where we ran into trouble. They're served up in that picnic basket, which as it transpires, is lined with moss to really commit to the picnic theme - cute, but not ideal when one fell off its stick and was rendered green, furry and inedible. We had to abandon the rescue operation due the sheer volume of honey everywhere - parents, you're gonna need a bigger pack of wet wipes.

In hindsight, we should have seen the problems coming

The scones are crumblier than your average, almost biscuit-like in texture, which I rather enjoyed. Rummage around in the picnic basket (mind the honey!) and you'll find delightfully thick clotted cream and generous amounts of lemon curd to send them on their way.

Afternoon tea connoisseurs may find little to please them here, but that's OK because this isn't an afternoon tea for them. It's a fun twist on the tradition and a great way to introduce younger diners to afternoon tea. The food is ideal for this - not too much, not too rich, not too unusual.

*If any other afternoon tea planners are reading this, I have two words for you: Lion King. DO IT, I beg of you, and do it well.

Silly Old Bear afternoon tea is available at The Pelham and The Gore, both in South Kensington until April 2018. It costs £43 per person which includes entry to the V&A exhibition, and needs to be booked in advance.