The real facts of life (AKA sod's law)

So everyone's (hopefully) heard of the facts of life, the birds and bees, whatever you want to call it. If not, you should probably sort that out. But it strikes me that there are several even more certain facts of life, that you can almost guarantee will come true.

• After a week of struggling to get up at 7am for work, you can guarantee that on your day off, when you're looking forward to a lie in, you will be wide awake and raring to go at 6.30am.
• You can carry an umbrella around in your bag/car for months, never to use it, only to be faced with a Bangladesh style monsoon the day after you remove it.
• Postage stamps are never to be found where you left them.
• The one time you leave your phone on silent mode is the time you lose it and need to phone it to track it down, only to find that you can't hear it ringing.
• You will write your car off/burn the house down/break a few limbs the day after the insurance policy runs out.