Afternoon tea review: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory at One Aldwych

Things are off to a whimsical start at Charlie and the Chocolate Factory afternoon tea, as we're presented with menus adorned with doodles of Dahl's own characters. The Salt family and co. inform us of the feast we're about to tuck into, including quite the array of teas. The cocoa tea turns out to be be a fine choice, smelling deliciously of chocolate but retaining a subtle taste which works as the ideal palette cleanser between courses. The hot chocolate, although fine, is nothing special.

That sets the tone for the entire meal. There's no theatricality behind the meal, no dedication to the theme beyond those menus. It's Roald Dahl for goodness sake, Willy Wonka - the master of theatricality. The Alice Tea Party afternoon tea may have left something to be desired in terms of service, but at least it committed to the theme with playing cards and hatter's hats strewn around the room, a pearl necklace draped across the sugar bowl. Here though, nothing.

Our first course arrives, a selection of savouries consisting of two sandwiches each, a brioche roll and a mini quiche. The sandwiches and roll are fine, nothing standout, and the quiche is a warm, tasty mouthful, but highlight of this course are the cheese scones served with bacon jam. We're disappointed that the food hasn't arrived on the traditional tiered stand, but when the next course arrives, the reason for this becomes clear.

We're delivered a shared bread basket full of mixed baked goodies. The plain scones are served with the traditional cream and jam, and an added bonus of lemon curd, which I enjoyed but my friend found too bitter. The banana and walnut mini loaf cakes also pass the test - fruit cake isn't really my thing, but it's tasty nonetheless. Highlight though, are the chocolate financiers (brownies, basically), little teardrop shaped droplets of gooey, chocolatey heaven.

And then we're on to the final flourish, the sweet course. Served on a podium, we've got; chocolate and caramel milkshake, candy floss, chocolate eggs filled with cheesecake, a blueberry and white chocolate cake pop and a bubblegum panna cotta.

Ok, the presentation's cute (yes, we both consider stowing those mini glass bottles away in our handbags until we think the better of it), but there's still nothing 'Charlie' about it. The chocolate and caramel milkshake is delish, but things peak there. The panna cotta is sweet and inoffensive, the cake pop fails in texture and tries to overcompensate in taste. The candy floss is... well, it's candy floss.

In a flurry of misguided optimism, we leave those chocolate eggs until last. The cheesecake filling is so sweet, we end up scraping it out onto our plates. As it turns out, the filling was all that was masking the fact that it's cheap, nasty chocolate. The eggs remain uneaten (and the chef could learn a thing or two from whoever puts together those delicious white chocolate egg cups at Le Meridien Piccadilly).

Staff are attentive throughout, ensuring we have everything we need, without making us feel hurried. As we reach the end of the meal we realise that although we're not hungry, we don't have the usual post-afternoon tea fullness going on. Quantity-wise, it's not the most satisfying afternoon tea available (pretty lucky, we later realised, as the presentation of the sweet course has been designed to make taking any leftovers home in a doggy bag pretty much impossible - clever).

We're presented with a bill - including an £11 service which isn't shown as optional. Given that the food we've just eaten doesn't feel worth anything like £88, we begrudgingly pay the £99 total, not realising until we get home later and check the menu online that it's optional. Had we known that at the time, we certainly wouldn't have coughed up.

Bottom line: this afternoon tea isn't worth anything like £100 for two people, and we're not the only one that think it. As we're poring over the bill, the woman on the table next to us confides that her and her husband feel they've paid way over the odds for the afternoon tea they've just had with their two children too. Perhaps that's the theatricality we were waiting for - your money disappearing in a puff of smoke.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory afternoon tea at One Aldwych Hotel. From £44 per person.


Check out some of the other afternoon teas that I've loved and loathed:

• Alice's Tea Party in Wonderland at Taj 51 Hotel.
• Tea Terrace, Guildford
• Board games afternoon tea at One Warwick Park
• Brunch afternoon tea at Le Meridien Piccadilly
• Genie's Cave afternoon tea at Cutter & Squidge

Afternoon tea review: Board games at One Warwick Park

Ok, I'll admit it; this afternoon tea thing is becoming a bit of an obsession now. But considering how much it normally costs, what's a girl to do when she sees one advertised for £16? Call up your partner in crime and get yourself booked in of course.

The tea in question was a board games themed afternoon tea at One Warwick Park in Tunbridge Wells, to celebrate the launch of the new Tunbridge Wells Monopoly. Although the £16 price sounded too good to be true, it was indeed correct (or you could pay £22 for prosecco or £25 for champagne, but #driving). 

The venue's a bit of an odd one, being split across two different buildings, but having arrived in the wrong one, a kind chap on reception escorted us to the right place, a light, airy and modern (and at 2pm on a Sunday, almost entirely empty) restaurant. 

Our food arrived almost immediately, a traditional afternoon tea stand with sandwiches on the bottom, scones on the middle and cakes on the top. The sandwiches were fine, the scones smaller than expected (which actually came as a relief when the inevitable afternoon tea fatigue set in). The jam was a highlight though, one of the sweetest, juiciest I've ever tasted.


On to the all-important cake layer, where our little grey cells were given as much of a workout as our jaws. This is where the board games theme came into play, and although some of it had been explained to us by the waitress, we'd forgotten by the time we'd worked our way up. 

The battenberg is clearly supposed to be a chess board, and the raspberry jelly cubes (thankfully not Turkish delight) were probably meant to be dice. We assigned the chocolate cups the roll of draughts pieces, leaving the macarons a mystery. Those iced biscuits had us puzzling for ages, turning them upside down to figure out if the writing said 'O U P' or 'D M O', neither of which meant anything to us. It was only hours later, back at home, that it clicked; OWP. One Warwick Park. Altogether, a solid selection of cakes, the standout being those chocolate tarts which were a lot richer than they looked.

Top points to One Warwick Park for service, cost and value. Although the board games afternoon tea was limited edition and has now finished, One Warwick Park offers a regular, permanent afternoon tea for the same price. Don't worry guys, it's on my list.

L'Amore restaurant, One Warwick Park hotel, 1 Warwick Park, Tunbridge Wells, TN2 5TA.

See also:

• Afternoon tea review: Alice Tea Party at Taj 51
• Afternoon tea review: B'n'T Brunch Afternoon Tea at Le Meridien Piccadilly.
• Afternoon tea review: Tea Terrace, Guildford

London's best buffalo chicken: BrewDog

Guys, we've got a problem. After months of rigorous testing and dedicated tasting, I recently declared Meat Mission's buffalo chicken burger to be the best buffalo chicken in London.

I, erm, may have been wrong.

I was discussing buffalo chicken with my colleague, the inimitably whimsical Will, who declared Brewdog to have the best buffalo chicken in London (I was sceptical), and dictated that our next lunch meeting be held there so that he could prove it.

Trouble was, this conversation took place in a pub. On a Friday night. By Monday morning, Will had forgotten that we'd even had the conversation. By Wednesday, he was reneging on his BrewDog declaration. By the time we were seated in a booth in BrewDog Shoreditch the following Friday lunchtime, he was making all sorts of mutterings about being drunk when he tried it, and it probably not being as good as he remembered it. After a week of anticipating this burger, he was stamping all over my dreams (and those of the other four people we'd dragged along to settle the argument).

At this point, the burgers made an entrance to resolve the situation. You smell them before you see them, that intense, vinegary smell getting your tastebuds tingling with anticipation. The burger is served with a full on meat knife stabbed through it, which seems a little OTT at first - until you try to get your gnashers around the entire offering in one go, at which point it becomes entirely necessary.

The balance of flavours and textures is spot on, the intensity of the buffalo sauce matched perfectly with the blue cheese dressing, and the crispy chicken bouncing off the soft burger bun. Be warned though: things get messy. Don't wear light colours, be prepared to wear a bib, and stock up on napkins before you get stuck in.

The portion size here is ideal (get a portion of fries on the side), leaving us feeling full, but not so stuffed that we were waddling down the street afterwards. It feels a more satisfactory meal than that at Meat Mission, and the sauce is that bit more intense in flavour, which is why I'm giving it the edge.

Rating: 9/10

It'll be pretty damn hard to beat this one, but I'm not giving up the dream that there's even better buffalo chicken out there somewhere.

BrewDog, various London and UK locations.

Do you know of a better buffalo chicken burger than this in London? Let me at it (let me know about it in the comments, or tweet me).

London's best buffalo chicken: Meat Mission

I've tried and tried, I just can't get a decent photo of it.

This is it. I'm finally doing what I've been threatening to do for ages; blogging about London's best buffalo chicken. This is more than just a food review; it's a passion project. I honestly think I might have found my life's true calling. My mouth's watering just thinking about it.

Without further ado, let me introduce the delight that currently sits at the top of my London's Best Buffalo Chicken league table: the Buffalo Chicken Burger at Meat Mission.

This was the burger that first awoke my passion for buffalo chicken, when I tried it on a work lunch. It's a five minute walk from the office (in a former church nonetheless, a history it plays on in its decor). The location was pretty handy until the day I clocked that they do takeaway - my bank balance and my figure took a hit that week, and neither have yet recovered.

A post shared by MEATliquor Bars & Diners. (@meatgram) on Aug 9, 2017 at 3:44am PDT

 Structurally, it's pretty standard as these things go; a burger bun, deep fried chicken, shredded lettuce, red onions, the buffalo sauce and the blue cheese sauce. Nothing fancy, but it doesn't need to be.

What makes this one is the sauce - a really intense, vinegary, tingly buffalo sauce, balanced perfectly with the creamy blue cheese. Anywhere else, I'd take the lettuce out and eat it separately (I have a thing about rabbit food polluting the pure unhealthiness of a burger), but in this case, to remove the lettuce would risk remove part of that oh-so-delicious sauce with it, and that's just not a risk I'm willing to take. You can't taste the onions at all, which suits me just fine.

Rating: 8/10

'But if it's so good', I hear you cry, 'why not a 10/10?' The presentation of the burger leaves a lot to be desired. I don't expect silver service and a linen tablecloth, but a plate wouldn't go amiss. Service is always prompt, the staff (sorry, 'Burgerettes') always chatty, but your food is served on a metal tray - copable if there's just a couple of you, more problematic if there's a group of you. Cutlery is a no, and napkins come in the form of kitchen roll plonked on the end of the table (trust me, you're going to need a lot of it when the sauce starts running down your arm).


I've always have the buffalo chicken burger when I go to Meat Mission (which really isn't a lot, despite what you've just read), but this time the waiter recommended I try the Monkey Fingers next time. It's basically strips of that delicious, wonderful chicken, without the bun and the vegetables to slow you down. Sounds like a no-brainer really.

Meat Mission, 15 Hoxton Market, N1 6HG. I believe the same burger is available at branches of Meat Liquor too.

Do you know of a better buffalo chicken burger than this in London? Let me at it (let me know about it in the comments, or tweet me).

The St Pancras Renaissance Hotel now serves Harry Potter cocktails

...and my gosh, they're delicious.

It's not just butterbeer - sorry, Butterscotch Brew - either. The Booking Office bar in St Pancras has launched a whole Mystic Elixirs and Potions cocktail menu, coinciding perfectly with the opening of the new Harry Potter exhibition at the British Library next door.

The menu itself makes no direct mention of Harry Potter - hence Butterscotch Brew rather than butterbeer - no doubt for copyright reasons, but it does offer up some truly good cocktails.

The Butterscotch Brew was my fave - a hot, creamy and sweet cocktail that tastes of winter. One sip and you'll be imagining roaring fires and cosy knitwear. I'm surprised I liked it actually, because it contains rum which I'm really not keen on. A non-alcoholic version is available, but where's the fun in that?

Those who like playing with their food will be tempted by the Camouflage Coupette - pour the liquid onto the candy floss and watch it dissolve, then get the gummy worm involved. It's a potent concoction, not least because it contains absinthe, but the turquoise blue colouring makes it easy on the eyes.

When the absinthe gets involved, you're going to want something to soak it up. We had the 'mini' fish and chips from the bar snacks menu, and found the portion sizes to be not far of that of a main meal. The chips are devilishly crispy - I'd go as far as to say the best I've ever had.

The bar itself is wonderfully charming, all huge high-vaulted windows, exposed brickwork and low-level lighting, a real remnant of the golden age of rail travel. Perhaps I'm growing up, but I can see the appeal of paying more for a cocktail in luxurious surroundings like this, rather than sticking to the cheap, hectic and sticky bars we usually end up at.

The staff at The Booking Office are great, more than happy to chat to you about the drinks and offer recommendations. Our bar tender Geoffrey ended up telling us the story of the afterparty of the first night of the Harry Potter and the Cursed Child play, which was held in that very bar, with the likes of J.K. Rowling in attendance.

Top tip: grab yourself a seat at the bar to watch the cocktail wizards at work. Top up on bar snacks (trust me - line your stomach before indulging in the absinthe) and work your way through the whole cocktail menu. Finish off with a Minty Toad For The Road (basically, the most Instagrammable After Eight you'll ever eat).

Mystic Elixirs and Potions at The Booking Office, St Pancras Renaissance Hotel. Menu available until February 2018. See my full review on Londonist.

Afternoon tea review: Alice Tea Party in Wonderland at Taj 51, London

Yep, that's right, two afternoon teas in a week. Not even sorry (read: will definitely be sorry when I have no trousers that fit me for work tomorrow). This time, we've fallen down the rabbit hole to Alice's Tea Party in Wonderland at the Taj 51 Buckingham Gate. This isn't the Alice themed afternoon tea which most people have heard about - that one is over at the Sanderson Hotel. I've not yet tried it, so if anyone fancies treating me...

Taj 51 is a fancy hotel in St James's, just a 5 minute stroll from Buckingham Palace. After having a poke around the exotic courtyard, our prompt arrival saw us being shown into the rather fancy lounge to wait until our 3pm booking. We'd skipped lunch in anticipation, so by the time we were called, a few minutes later than expected, the complimentary apples on the reception desk were looking all too tempting.

The Kona restaurant is an intimate affair, split into three smaller rooms with five tables apiece, people enjoying a mixture of the Alice tea, the Sherlock tea, and the hotel's regular afternoon tea. There are just two sittings a day, so everyone took their seats at the same time, adding to the 'tea party' effect.

Our table was wonderfully decorated, with giant playing cards thrown haphazardly over it, a pearl necklace draped though the sugar bowl, and the mad hatter's hat perched whimsically on the windowsill next to us. We took a seat, and waited. And waited while all of the other tables were served their food... and waited while one table received their second course before we even had our first.

Finally, 40 minutes after our afternoon tea was due to start, our sandwiches arrived, and it was looking like the wait hadn't been worth it. They were served up on a regular plate - not the tiered cake stand expected of afternoon tea. They were cut into rectangles rather than triangles, not a deal breaker, it just looked a bit like the chef couldn't be bothered with the niceties of afternoon tea. The coronation chicken sandwiches were straight-out-the-fridge cold, rendering them dry, but tasty nonetheless. The ham and cheese and tuna mayo offerings were an improvement - warmer, but still dry bread - and the cream cheese and cucumber was disappointingly bland, lacking both the crunch of the cucumber and the creaminess of the cheese. So far, so disappointing.

Things improved enormously with the prompter arrival of our next course, the coveted cake stand, complete with scones, cakes, jellies and all manner of other sugary goodness. Unlike the sandwiches, the Alice theme positively shone out of these offerings. Highlight was the clock face macaron, probably the most photogenic food item I've ever eaten, although the bubblegum flavour didn't quite hit the mark - strawberry or raspberry would have done quite nicely instead.

The 'eat me' and 'drink me' signs were a nice touch, although the yoghurty type substance was an odd addition to afternoon tea, and one we could have lived without.

Finally admitting defeat halfway through the second tier, and not having even given separate the Victoria sponge cake a second glance, we asked for the rest to be packed up and taken home, which the staff were more than happy to do for us. Our goodies were returned to us in Tupperware boxes, which, on closer inspection, were missing our untouched watermelon jelly chocolate cups.

When we asked for them back, the waiter said he'd return to the kitchen 'to see if they were still available' - we'd paid for them so we'd flippin' well hope so! A few minutes' later he returned, second Tupperware box in hand. Makes you wonder how many people leave with only half of what they've paid for.

The staff were all very friendly and more than happy to help, but as a whole, the afternoon tea felt rather badly executed. A slow and disappointing start blossomed into a rather enjoyable (and oh-so Instagrammable) afternoon tea, although from the reviews I've read, you might be better sticking to the original Alice tea at the Sanderson.

Alice's Tea Party in Wonderland at Taj 51. There's also a Sherlock-themed tea available in the same restaurant.

 See also:

• Afternoon tea review: B'n'T Brunch Afternoon Tea at Le Meridien Piccadilly.
• Afternoon tea review: Tea Terrace, Guildford

Afternoon tea review: Tea Terrace, Guildford

Another weekend, another afternoon tea. This time we're five floors above Guildford High Street, tucked away inside House of Fraser's Tea Terrace.

It describes itself as a "very English tearoom",  all chintzy vintage crockery, literary quotes scrawled elegantly on the walls, and tempting cakes under huge glass domes. There's an air of Alice in Wonderland to it as well, some of the chairs larger than others, all brightly coloured - organised chaos, really.

Having navigated Guildford's one-way system (twice, for reasons that I won't go into here), any sort of tea and cake would be welcome at this point, but we're here for the afternoon tea. That alone involves four choices (Traditional/Celebration/Indulgence/Gluten-Free), and indeed choices within choices. Unlike other afternoon teas, you can pick and choose your elements here - ideal for fussy eaters like me.

Each person can pick two from a list of eight sandwich fillings, and two from a choice of five scones (both savoury and sweet). There's nothing groundbreaking in the sandwich choices (cucumber, egg mayo, salmon, tuna mayo, cheese and chutney, etc.) but the scones offer a couple of unusual choices - in October, the apple and cinnamon seems like an apt choice, but I can't guarantee it'd have the same appeal on a less autumnal day.

With the important business of ordering out of the way, there's time to take a recce of the venue. There's an outdoor decked area running down one side of the building, with what looks like a pond, but on a miserable weekend, it's not an appealing option. Instead, we stay in the airy, conservatory-esque restaurant, watching the rain and mist roll over the hills surrounding Guildford as we tuck into our lunch.

As is always best, we'll start at the very beginning; our sandwiches. The cheddar cheese and chutney is a pleasant surprise, the chutney sweeter than anticipated - even with the sweetest of teeth, you'd struggle to eat more than a couple of dainty triangle sandwiches of it. Our other choice, the egg mayo was rather uninspiring in itself, but provided a much needed foil to dull the intensity of the chutney.

Up a layer we hop, to the scones. Being one for sitting firmly on the fence, I'd gone for one savoury and one sweet; a cheddar cheese and herb, and a cranberry and white chocolate. Beginning with the cheese one (I'm not a complete heathen), things are looking good, and a dollop of butter sent the warm cheesiness down a treat. Ample cream and jam were provided for my sweet option, but to be honest, I could have lived without the cranberries (afternoon tea chefs take note: you cannot beat a warm choc chip scone).

 Finally, we get to the literal and metaphorical pinnacle of the whole afternoon tea rigmarole; the cake. I'm sorry to say that The Tea Terrace let itself down a bit here. Quantity-wise, things were impressive, with three generous slices of loaf cake each; lemon, apple cake and carrot cake. But three tiers and a mug of hot chocolate in, it's not quantity you're after, and I couldn't help feeling that things would be improved by replacing the three slices of loaf cake with one slice of the more appealing cakes available individually at the counter.

Would I go back to the Tea Terrace? Yes I would - it's a nice place to go for a special occasion, that doesn't cost too much, and doesn't need to be planned or booked too far in advance. The food we had was mostly of a very good standard, the portion sizes were generous, and the staff efficient, friendly and attentive.

A word of warning: this place gets busy at weekends, and doesn't take bookings. We arrived around 12.30 on a Sunday and were seated straight away, on one of the last available tables. By the time we left a couple of hours later, there were about eight groups waiting for tables. It's not only afternoon tea and cakes; all manner of sandwiches, paninis and main meals were arriving at tables around us, looking quite tempting.

The Tea Terrace, House of Fraser Guildford (and two London venues).
See also: Afternoon tea review: B'n'T Brunch Afternoon Tea at Le Meridien Piccadilly.

The whole picture: September 2017

Miss my August round-up? Catch up here.

There are NO good pictures of me from holiday, so you'll have to make do with this.

What I've done in September

The middle two weeks of this month were taken up by a beach holiday on the coast of Bulgaria - lots of chill time, a pile of books and regular dips in the sea. Absolute highlight was spotting some dolphins in the sea, but more on that in future blog posts.

The rest of the month has been dedicated to catching up with friends and catching up with work.

What I've eaten in September

A long overdue catch-up with a friend took me to The Green Room, a bar-restaurant by the National Theatre, situated just behind it on South Bank. We only intended to go for drinks, but the food smelt so good, we ended up indulging. Some of the best buffalo chicken wings I've found in London.

A post shared by Laura Reynolds (@scribbling_lau) on Sep 6, 2017 at 10:57pm PDT

Twice, doughnuts turned up at the office (#lovemyjob), courtesy of Doughnut Time, an Aussie doughnut brand that's coming to London soon. Yes, that is a doughnut with a Ferrero Rocher on top.

A post shared by Laura Reynolds (@scribbling_lau) on Sep 7, 2017 at 5:21am PDT

We also received a delivery of Halloween cupcakes from FlavourTown, and I now have all the skills envy, because just looked how well decorated they are:

Sadly one of our interns left this month. Not-sadly, this involved a farewell lunch at Red's True BBQ in Shoreditch. I continued my odyssey into London's buffalo chicken (it's an obsession, OK guys?!?), but was disappointed with the dirty buffalo chicken burger - it lacked the kick that any self respecting buffalo chicken has. What wasn't disappointing was the choice of sauces to dip my fries in:

A post shared by Laura Reynolds (@scribbling_lau) on Sep 30, 2017 at 12:03am PDT

I rounded off the month with post work cocktails with some friends on Friday night. We try to meet for cocktails once a month, drinking our way round the bars of London, but it was four months between meet-ups this time. Must try harder.

A post shared by Laura Reynolds (@scribbling_lau) on Sep 29, 2017 at 1:58pm PDT

Last, but by no means least, those absolute wizards at Bailey's have come up with a salted caramel version, and I'm pleased to confirm that it's every bit as wonderous as it sounds. Thank goodness for Duty Free, eh?

Things I've loved in September

I've been trying SO hard to stay out of shops, so my main purchases this month were my holiday souvenirs (photo above). The toucan clutch bag and embroidered top both came from a little boutique shop near our hotel, and the giraffe picture was from a street stall in Nessebar. It combines two of my favourite things - animals and words - so I couldn't resist. The bottle is rose liqeur, something I developed a penchant for while in Bulgaria, and the rucksack is the perfect size for work.

I did, however, manage to wangle a bargain on home turf, one which I'm extremely proud of; two pairs of boots in New Look for just £14. £14! All the boots and shoes on the sale were buy one, get one free, so I bought myself a knee high tan pair for £14, and got a £10 pair of black suede ankle boots for free.

What's coming up?

Plans for October currently involve afternoon tea, a couple of Halloween events and a trip to the Lake District. I'll no doubt be making a trip to Doughnut Time (above) when it opens in Shaftesbury Avenue, and I've discovered that FlavourTown (also above) do Lucky Charms cupcakes, so I'll be searching me out one of those like a bloodhound on a scent trail. The search is on for a new flat, which should also keep me busy.

A post shared by Flavourtown Bakery (@flavourtownbakery) on Sep 14, 2017 at 10:24am PDT

Follow me on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook to keep up to date with next month's antics as they happen.

We need to talk about brunch

4pm? Really?

Brunch. The clue's all there in that one word. It's a mash-up of breakfast and lunch, a meal for lazy days and long weekends, when you've stayed in bed a bit too late for breakfast, but are too peckish to hold out until lunchtime.

Unless you've been living under a rock, you'll have noticed that brunch has become a big thing recently, particularly with the avocado-loving millennials of London. Of all the meals, it's the one that I partake in least, and probably the one I have strongest opinions about. So, given that I haven't released my inner old woman for a while, here she is to tell you all the issues she has with these new-fangled brunches.


The length of time

If it's past 1pm, we are well into lunch territory. 4pm is nibbling on the heels of dinner. Yet some London brunches go on until 5pm. If you're going that far, why not call it brunner, cover all the day's three meals in one massive sitting, and be done with it?

1pm is the brunch cut-off time for me - it's late enough to allow for a cheeky extra couple of hours in bed of a weekend, but not so late that you'll be passing out from hunger before you get to the restaurant.


Boozy brunches

Booze: just no

This one stems from the fact that I don't drink alcohol much anyway, but boozy brunches are an absolute no-no for me.

If we're sticking to the proper rules, as outlined above, brunch is over by 1pm. Pre-1pm is not the time for downing bubbly. Pre-1pm is the time for tea, and coffee, and hot chocolate and orange juice. Perhaps a lemonade if it's a special occasion. The thought of anything alcoholic passing my lips before this time physically turns my stomach.

While we're skirting around the topic, many bottomless brunches are only bottomless regarding the booze. The food element of the meal firmly has a bottom on it. I'm more of an eat-as-much-as-you-like than a drink-yourself-stupid kinda girl - where are the bottomless brunches for us, huh? Or even for those of who prefer our soft drinks? Bottomless orange juice - now you're talking.

The things that are served

This is a brunch-themed afternoon tea. Completely different and 100% acceptable

I'm a traditionalist when it comes to brunch. It should consist predominantly of breakfast items - pastries, breads, the sort of things you'd find in a Full English. Perhaps a toastie or panini - anything that'll ease you into the day gently.

Not fried chicken. Not steamed bao buns (I've yet to fully fathom what one of these is, but it doesn't sound like something I want on my plate before 5pm - if at all). Not barbecue pork ribs. Not pizza. Okay, that last one's a lie. Pizza's an any day, any time kinda food. But I stand by the rest of it.

The prices

Yes, yes, London. Yes, yes, hipsters. I know. But restaurants have caught onto this trend for weekend brunches and jacked up their prices accordingly. You're being overcharged, plain and simple. But if it's 2pm and you're tucking into fried chicken and cocktails, what makes it brunch, not lunch? The price, that's what. Save yourself £30 odd and book a table for lunch instead (plenty of restaurants have brunch and lunch sittings running simultaneously). Same food, same booze, different title, one heck of a lot cheaper.


Agree? Disagree? Let me know in the comments below - I'd love to hear some other people's thoughts on brunch.

Scribbling Lau is now on Facebook. You can also find me on Twitter and Instagram.

London's most romantic cocktail bar is back

London's not short of quirky and unusual outdoor bars when summer rolls around, but one that stands out from the others is The Midnight Apothecary.

Run by The Cocktail Gardener, aka Lottie Muir, everything on the cocktail menu is made from plants and flowers, which are grown in the secret garden where the bar is set. Think rhubarb, wild lilac, elderflower and the like. Beautifully garnished, the drinks are sweet, and strong enough that you'll only need one or two to make an evening of it - all the more reason to go back multiple times and work your way through the whole menu. Hats off to whoever came up with the cocktail named Rhubarbra Streisand.

Forget the usual overcrowded bars, elbowing to get served at the bar, and not being able to hear each other over pumping music - The Midnight Apothecary is calm and tranquil. Queue to order at the bar, leaving your name with the bartender, and take a seat on one of the wooden benches or stools nestled among the fragrant flowerbeds. Your drinks will be brought to you when they're ready, by which time you'll be kicked back, basking in the candlelight and fairy lights, toasting marshmallows on the flickering campfire. The only thing missing is an acoustic guitar player, serenading you from somewhere in the corner.

If the weather's looking peaky, the bar heads indoors to Brunel's tunnel shaft -and if you're looking for a side of history with your cocktail, introductory talks by one of the museum's guides run throughout the evening. The tunnel itself is now part of the London Overground railway line, so no getting in there, but it's still a fascinating insight into an impressive engineering feat.

Entry to the bar costs £5, and does need to be booked in advance. Once you're in, cocktails are £8 each (or it's Happy Hour every Friday 5.30pm-7.30pm when drinks are buy one get one half price).

My tip? Get there early. Although the ticketing system prevents it from getting overcrowded, seating in the garden is limited - plus, you're gonna want to be right up near the campfire toasting those marshmallows. Due to the residential setting, last orders is at 10pm, so if you turn up too late, you'll miss out on crucial cocktail supping time.

The Midnight Apothecary is open every Friday and Saturday night, 5.30pm-10.30pm  from now until September 2017 at the Brunel Museum. Entry is £5 and needs to be booked in advance.

Scribbling Lau is now on Facebook. You can also find me on Twitter and Instagram.

Tonbridge has a sugary new addition

Tonbridge has a sweet new addition to its ever-growing food scene - but you'll be lucky if you manage to catch it open.

Creams Factory, a gelato cafe/dessert bar, opened in the high street in mid-April - or at least it did in theory - tempting us into visiting over Easter weekend. The website showed general opening hours of 8am-10pm, with no special Easter opening hours, so out we headed around lunchtime on Easter Sunday, ready for a sugar fix, only to find the place all locked up (s'all good, we ended up here instead). 

Checking again on the website and social media accounts for Easter opening hour announcements, and finding nothing, we headed in again around lunchtime on Easter Monday - to find the place locked up again, chairs on the tables, plunged into darkness.

A chance stroll pass the place one evening a couple of weeks later revealed that week's opening hours printed out and stuck to the door. Seeing that it was due to be open 11am-10pm on Sunday of the bank holiday weekend, we arrived around 1.15pm - to find it closed again, a note pinned to the door saying it would now be opening at 3pm. We decided to give it one more chance, rocking up around 4pm, and finally, unexpectedly, found the place open.

After all that, it had a lot of hype to live up to, but it didn't quite hit the spot.

The menu is impressive, a choice of around 20 individual ice cream flavours and a few sundaes too. For those who like things a bit warmer, waffles and crepes are available with varying amounts of fruit, chocolate, cream and sauce. A quick glance at the cake counter told us that cake probably wasn't the best option. Drinks-wise, choose from the usual hot or soft drinks, or do what any sensible person would do, and go for a milkshake. Pick from the usual flavours, or get a chocolate bar such as Galaxy or Crunchie blended into it.

Service was haphazard, although staff can't be faulted on their friendliness. Different menu items were being served to the table at different times - not a problem for us, but parents at a table nearby with three kids under the age of 10 had trouble keeping the peace. Elsewhere, one man's sundae was delivered to his table while he was still in the queue to pay, leaving him to return to a semi-melted mess.

Add to this the fact that, despite the tables all being numbered, the waiting staff couldn't work out which order was for which table, interrupting conversations every couple of minutes to ask 'did you order X?' and the whole thing felt somewhat chaotic.

The hot chocolate was decent, and the ice cream was tasty, if dense. Particular shout-out for the strawberry ice cream, which was made from real fruit.  The crepes were average, but the Maltesers milkshake was a disappointment. Unlike other milkshakes with well-known sweets or chocolate bars are blended in, the Maltesers were barely there. That said, it was a darn site cheaper than most chocolate bar milkshakes, so swings and roundabouts.

Tonbridge's recent foodie boom means it has no shortage of places to stop for a quick bite or a sugar hit. Beyond The Grounds, Finch House and Basil are all excellent options for a coffee and a slice of cake, and while Creams offers something different from this, it doesn't yet do it well enough to compete. Rather than trying to please so many people, they'd be better off focusing on one or two things - say ice cream and milkshakes - and doing them well. Oh, and actually opening from time to time.

If you do head there, it's worth phoning ahead first to check they're actually open. Even at time of writing, the website states opening hours of 8.30am-10pm daily, while the Twitter account contradicts this with 8.30am-10.30pm. Make of that what you will.

Creams Factory, 160 High Street, Tonbridge, TN9 1BB

Scribbling Lau is now on Facebook. You can also find me on Twitter and Instagram.